Sissy Briana becomes a sperm bank
“Every time you are presented with a new hard cock to worship think of it as a way to pay homage to the woman who owns you.”
by Nancy Fairchild
nancy.fairchild@hushmail.com
The weekend was a blur as the overdose of hormones rushed through my body. The nurse in the clinic I visit every week obviously had a big envy thing going on with Helen, my doctor and the woman I have devoted myself to. Instead of my normal dose of estrogen she took advantage of Helen’s absence and hiked up the treatment considerably, threatening to report her to the medical board if I ever revealed what she had done to me. I had no choice but to accept my fate and go through even more hot flashes than I had ever experienced. I mostly stayed in bed with mommy who had come up from Sydney to help me after my breast implant surgery. We had to keep ourselves in good shape because we were both starting our new jobs at Derek’s brothel in Mayfair on Monday. Mommy was going to be the new receptionist and I was going to be the first t-girl to work there. Both of us were going to be the center of a lot of scrutiny in the coming week because I sensed a lot of the women that worked there weren’t comfortable with my sexual identity. It helped that the matron, Kate, had hit it off with both of us during our Friday afternoon briefing.
My soon-to-be ex-wife, Nancy, is off in Ibiza with Helen until early Monday evening. I am going to be served divorce papers shortly, which is actually a relief for me because one of my wife’s lovers has made her pregnant and they are planning to keep the baby. My wife and Helen are friends which is why I ended up in Helen’s hands when my jealousy over my wife’s affairs began to destroy our marriage. I married Nancy over five years ago when both mommy and I decided that our life together was getting out of hand and I tried escape the binds of the deeply submissive relationship I had with her and regain my masculinity. It was a mistake from the start as Nancy made clear, even before we were betrothed. I was never going to be man enough to satisfy her deep sexual needs, although it took Helen’s help to fully realize that and accept who I am. When we arrived in London Nancy took me to Helen who immediately recognized the problem and temporarily put me on a dose of Depo-Provera, which is a wonder drug that chemically castrates a man. With my sexual drive gone the jealousy disappeared along with it, but Helen didn’t stop there. At the same time she began me on a rigorous course of estrogen treatment that brought out my feminine nature, changed my body significantly and shrunk my inadequate sexual organs to the minuscule size they are now. Thankfully, Helen finally took me off the Depo-Provera, helped arrange my breast implant surgery and ultimately introduced me to Derek, who owns the brothel I am soon to be working in.
Derek also took my virginity. He was the first man I ever went down on to completion and took inside me. Both my mother and I have had his brand tattooed on our ass, a requirement for all the girls who work for him. I have entered into an open ended commitment to him and will work until he decides I am no longer of use as a sissy prostitute which, according to the Kate, might be as long as 20 years. All the funds I make will be placed in my new benevolent owner’s account. Helen, who revealed my wife’s plan to leave me, has now taken control of my life and I have fully committed to being under her control. I have a discrete tattoo on the back of my neck, which is normally covered by my shoulder length hair, which states that I am Helen’s property. I am as equally proud of that as I am of having Derek’s initials tattooed on my ass cheek.
A lot of people would think my relationship with my mother is sick, but she was the one who I first had sex with and is really the love of my life. I was and still am deeply devoted to her and she recognized from the moment when I was 13 years old and begged to go down on her freshly used pussy and lap up her lover’s seed, that I was never going to be the sort of alpha-male who could satisfy a woman. Each time I pushed her boundaries she became more empowered as a woman and I became more submissive. After my father died when I was 18 the process of feminizing me began in earnest and I only dressed as a male when I was outside the house. At my insistence my mother began to enjoy the sight of me drinking her morning pee, licking her ass clean after she emptied her bowels and bending over and accepting the lashes she gave daily with the riding crop I bought her. When I left she married a handsome, rich and much younger man and moved to Australia. At 45 she is still a stunning woman and, although there is a 20 year age gap between us, we are now mistaken for sisters, never mother and child.
We are slight, thin and petite. Her blonde hair has darkened so she highlights it now whereas my hair is honey blonde with platinum streaks. My mother has a wicked sexual imagination and my new life fascinates her. Her only regret is that she didn’t fully feminize me in my youth. If she had started me on hormones in my teenage years I might have naturally developed my breasts, although our sex life would have been curtailed. She understood that my sexual satisfaction was wrapped up in a desire to be totally submissive and she understood that each step of degradation she could inflict on me only made me more committed to her.
I would hide myself in my bedroom in the afternoons after I got back from school whilst she had her well-endowed lovers over and, when they left, I would join her in bed and wait with anticipation for her to rest her hands on the top of my head and push me down between her legs where I would lick her pussy clean before getting her off with my tongue. I knew the individual taste of her lovers who were both of my uncles. They were the sort of alpha-males my father and I weren’t. When my mother did finally allow me to enter her I always did so when her pussy was slick with a combination of their thick semen and her love juices and I always felt inadequate as I never experienced the tightness that their large cocks did and I could never control myself and always spent my seed within seconds. After I was done with her then my mother would smile and push me down to clean up the mess I made.
Saturday and Sunday was largely a blur for me. My mother sometimes played with my little cock and, when I was swept up in a strong hormonal rush, she would use the dildo on me to help loosen me for the coming week. She also would gently suck my enlarged nipples which sent waves of pleasure through me. My breasts are my most sensitive points. I can feel my mother’s fingers when she toys with my cock and balls but that does not send the jolt of electricity through me like when my nipples are touched.
I woke up early Monday morning because mommy had to be at the brothel at 9:00 am and I had to be there at 10:30. After work we were going to Helen’s apartment. I am going to take up residence there in the guest bedroom and mommy is going to stay in my house, or at least that is the plan. I quietly got out of bed and went to the bathroom. At mommy’s suggestion I gave myself an enema to make sure I was clean for my clients. Then I quickly showered and washed my hair. I blow dried it downstairs so as not to wake my mother and made coffee and toast for her, which I carried up on a tray to serve her in bed. I put it on the floor and gently nudged mommy’s shoulder to wake her. She woke with a start, smiled at me and bounded off to the toilet. When she returned she carried a large glass of her morning pee for me to drink.
“I wonder if Helen is going to give you that every morning,” mommy said as she watched me eagerly drink it. “In some ways that would make me jealous. I love the idea of having a part of me inside you every day.”
Mommy slipped under the covers and plumped up two pillows behind her. I put the tray on her lap and went around to the other side of the bed and slipped under the covers. We were both nude except for the bra I was wearing to protect my breasts, which were still somewhat sensitive. I snuggled up to my mother and stroked her leg under the covers while she drank her coffee and ate her toast.
“You must be nervous today,” mommy said as she finished her coffee and put the tray on the floor next to the bed. “You’ve only had one real man inside you and today you are going to have to get used to having lots of men each day. I want to talk to you about something serious and it’s something I’ve wanted to get off my chest since I arrived in London.”
“We have to have a serious talk about your sexuality, because there will be conflicts you have to prepare yourself for,” mommy said in a serious tone. “You aren’t a transgender female because you didn’t consciously feel you were a woman born in a man’s body. Nor are you inherently gay. Gay men wouldn’t give you the time of day. Now you are about to become a prostitute, servicing straight men who are seeking a sexual kink. You’ll have more men’s cocks in you in a month than even the most promiscuous gay man has in a lifetime.”
“You’ll be a living and walking sperm bank at the end of each day,” mommy added with a laugh. “I honestly think if you didn’t have me as a mother, you would be entirely different. Your marriage to Nancy was obviously a mistake, but young men make those same mistakes all the time. What makes you different is that your sexuality was imprinted upon you, primarily by me. I found it very erotic to turn you into a feminine boy and, although Helen may have chemically neutered you, she didn’t castrate your mind. You grew up to be a man who sought someone like me to submit to and devote your life to and that’s why you allowed Helen to pump you so full of hormones your entire body changed and you became who you are. I guess the term sissy is highly appropriate for you because it defines you as someone who has subjugated your free will to serve someone and effectively become their property to use to their advantage, in this case financially. What you will be doing in Derek’s brothel every day is servicing men in service to Helen and I want you to be enthusiastic and committed to that. That means using your sexuality for her advantage.”
“You may be conflicted at first because there was nothing gay about you when you were younger and now you may reflect upon what you are doing as homosexual acts,” mommy said, sipping her glass of water. “You have willingly forsaken your masculinity and became as feminine as me. You are essentially a defenseless sissy now and need the protection of someone like Derek. Nothing you will be doing can be defined as homosexual because you are not driven by an attraction to men. You are a heterosexual being in a body made to be attractive to heterosexual men who are seeking an entirely different sexual experience. You are giving them that as a tribute to Helen. Every time you are presented with a new hard cock to worship think of it as a way to pay homage to the woman who owns you.”
Before I could reply my phone buzzed with a text message. Mommy picked it up from the bedside table and handed it to me. I could see the message was from Helen, so I quickly downloaded it and read it.
“It’s from Helen,” I said to mommy as I scrolled down the message. “She wants me to go to John Lewis and pick up some clothes and things she has ordered online for me and she has invited you to dinner at her apartment this evening at 8:00 pm. I am supposed to pick up some food and wine and make something nice. I am going to her place directly after work and get everything ready. I’ll pack a bag with some of my clothes and things and take it to work and, after I go to John Lewis, I’ll take a cab to Helen’s. She gave me a key before she left.”
“I’ll come back home after I am done and freshen up,” mommy said, getting up from bed. “Let me go in and shower and get dressed. I have to be there in an hour.”
While mommy was preparing herself for her first day of work as a receptionist I made the bed, straightened her things, picked up her dirty clothes and put them in the hamper and went to the kitchen and did the dishes. After she kissed me goodbye I packed some things in a small overnight bag, put makeup on and got dressed. I put on a suspender belt, stockings, matching bra and panties and slipped into a shift dress, finishing the look off with black heels. When I looked at myself in the mirror I was pleased. I didn’t look like I was off to work as a prostitute. I looked like a normal suburban woman dressed for a luncheon date. After packing some toiletries in my handbag I locked up the house and caught a taxi to the Mayfair brothel. It was a well enough known house of prostitution that the taxi driver gave me a knowing look when I told him my destination.
When I entered the brothel the phones were ringing off the hook and my mother had a harried look on her face as she quickly acknowledged me. One of the girls gave me a suspicious glance and directed me to the kitchen, which was the unofficial staff lounge for the girls. The other girls were drinking tea and talking among themselves but quieted when Kate entered the room.
“Ok, listen up,” Kate said, speaking loudly so we all could hear her. “We’ve got Briana starting with us today. I know all of you were upset that Derek chose to bring a t-girl to join us but I want each of you to look at the tattoo on the back of her neck today.”
I pulled my hair aside so the girls could see my tattoo which stated that I was Helen’s property and a few of them giggled, but they mostly seemed to accept me and I began to feel a little like a belonged. Nevertheless I was blushing deeply because of the attention.
“Briana is a submissive sissy and his little cock can’t get hard anymore,” Kate told the girls. “When you have some free time today, feel free to take a look at it. Once you see it you will realize she is about as far away from being a man as we are. We are only allowing naturally dominant clients to see him. This house is only for heterosexual men. Every straight guy has a t-girl kink they explore occasionally and that’s why Derek chose Briana to join us.”
“We are booked solidly today so try to make the clients satisfied and get them out of the door as soon as possible,” Kate added. “Make sure the maids change the sheets quickly and spray some air freshener so it didn’t smell just like sex. Watch your hygiene and clean yourself after each client has left. Remember to spray a little underarm deodorant before you see a new client and put new lipstick on. By the end of the day you’ll start smelling so take a shower after you are finished.”
“Briana, I want you to follow me now,” Kate said, levelling her gaze at me. “I want to talk to you alone and show you where to put your things.”
I followed Kate through the kitchen door and further back in the house. We reached a small room with a number of hooks on the wall. She gave me a hanger and showed me where to leave my handbag and overnight case. I quickly slipped off my dress, hung it up neatly and followed her to the office and closed the door behind me. She sat on the chair behind the desk and indicated with a nod of her head the chair she wanted me to sit in. I felt uncomfortable just wearing knickers, a bra, stockings and heels, but that was a feeling I would have to get over if I was going to join Derek’s group of women.
“I didn’t quite expect the reaction we got when I sent the email notice today to our clients with the pictures of the girls who are working today,” she said studying the appointment book that was laid out on her desk. “You are already booked solidly through till Friday evening with 12 appointments each day, so we are throwing you into the deep end on your first day. You’ve got to keep smiling, make your clients comfortable and, for God’s sake, do whatever you have to do to get them off and out the door.”
“Your room is on the first floor and has your name on it,” Kate added. “Once the client leaves find a maid to change the sheets and go into the toilet and freshen up. There are two tubes of lubricant up there. If you run out tell a maid and she’ll get you more. Your mother will show the clients into the room and tell them to undress. She will put a bow on the outside doorknob to let you know that the client is waiting for you. Take that bow off the knob and put it on the dresser when you go in. You may get tips and those are for you to keep. Put them in the dresser until you leave. You don’t have to worry, nobody will take them.
“Now you have to get to work,” Kate said, glancing at the clock on her desk. “Hurry up to your room. There will be a client there waiting for you.”
I stood up, took a deep breath and went out of the office and up the stairs to the first floor. I walked down the hall and noticed my name on a plaque which hung from a hook on the door and noted that a bow was hanging from the doorknob. I took it off and tossed it on the dresser after I entered the room and climbed into bed with my first client. He was relatively handsome and fit, with a smooth chest and muscular shoulders. I could see he was married by the ring on his left hand. It helped put me at ease when he smiled as he looked over my body.
I moved next to him and let him take me in his arms. I felt small when he held me and I just followed my instincts as I kissed his chest and moved my hand down to his already hard cock and fondled it.
“This is something that I want inside me,” I whispered into his ear, gripping his cock tightly and moving my hand up and down on it. “Please let me suck it first and lick your balls for awhile before you fuck me.”
I didn’t wait for a response before I moved my head down and took his balls in my mouth and gently sucked him, whilst using my hand to excite him further. Then I lifted my head and licked the precum off his helmet and lowered my mouth on his cock. I began to moan with pleasure as a wave of hormones passed through my body, heating my chest and making me flush.
“God, you are so fucking hot,” said my client, whose name I hadn’t bothered to ask. “I am going to drill my cock inside you and fucking fill you with my hot cum. I got so fucking hard looking at your picture in the email today that I have been hard ever since.”
He pulled me up, literally flipped me over and lifted my ass up. It was all happening so fast and I was into the throes of a hormonal rush, so I couldn’t help but moan with pleasure as I heard him slap some lubricant on his hard cock and pull my knickers aside and begin to enter me. Thankfully, he was gentle at first. Perhaps he sensed that he was one of the first men to have me and knew he would hurt me if he entered me too quickly, but when he was fully inside me he began pumping his cock deeply in and out of my hole with a violence that only made the hormonal rushes that were sweeping through my body more powerful. With each thrust he took I moaned with pleasure and I could tell he was getting near a climax when he became more erratic in his movements. I reached underneath my body and took his balls in my hand and could feel them contract when he began emptying his load into me.
It was all over in ten minutes and as he got up from the bed and I could hear him putting his clothes on I stayed where I was, my face in a pillow, and tried to regain my senses. I could only turn my head to smile at him as he buckled up his trousers and put on his suit jacket. He had that superior look of an alpha male who had just used someone solely for their pleasure. It was not an insolent look, but it did convey the sense of superiority he felt over me, which was only made more apparent when he put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a couple of twenty pound notes and tossed them on the bed. He left without a word.
I did my best to gather myself up for the next customer which didn’t take a lot of work. I had already been thoroughly fucked and hadn’t even taken off my heels or knickers. Thankfully my knickers were black and netted which would help to camouflage the wet semen which was already leaking from me. I bounded out of the room, found a maid and went into the bathroom to clean up. It took five minutes to pee and clean myself with a wet cloth. When I closed the bathroom door I could see the bow hanging from the doorknob of my room.
It was like that all day, without even a pause for lunch. Only two of my clients had offered me their names although I am sure most men don’t reveal their real identity to hookers. I was helped greatly by the hormonal rushes that swept through me each time a new client put his cock inside me, but the experience wore me out and, by the time the last client spent his seed, I felt like a limp doll and I could tell by my telltale scent that I needed a shower more than anything in the world.
I felt soiled but, instead of being ashamed by that sensation, it made me feel proud that so many men had found me so sexually alluring and had put their cocks into me, knowing they were far from being the first to do that on my first day in my new life. I went into the bathroom, locked the door, stripped off my stockings, knickers and bra and took a quick shower. Not having a choice, I had to put my soiled lingerie back on before I went down and put my dress back on. I was still leaking and could feel semen dribbling down my legs and making my stocking tops damp. There wasn’t anything I could do about that except not sit down and stain my dress and wait for the leakage to stop.
After going to the kitchen and quickly eating a couple of biscuits, I made my way to the reception area where mommy was gathering things up. She looked up at me with a smile and quickly went back to packing things in her handbag and putting the cash she had accumulated into a thick bag. She filled out a deposit slip, zipped up the bag and locked it.
“I have to drop this off at the bank’s night deposit box,” mommy said, smiling brightly at me. “I can walk you part of the way to John Lewis and we can talk about your first day.”
We left together and walked in silence for a few blocks. The day had been a whirlwind and it was impossible for me to organize my thoughts. Mommy seemed to sense that and offered to pull my overnight case after she had dropped the cash off into the bank’s outside lock box.
“The first thing I have to do is bring another pair of knickers to put on after work and get some sanitary pads,” I said to mommy. “I can feel myself still leaking. I didn’t have to use any lube after 12:00. I don’t want to sit down now and stain my dress.”
“We can walk to John Lewis and take the bus from there back to Notting Hill and you can stand all the way,” mommy suggested. “I’ll help you with the bags. I don’t have to go back to your house to freshen up for dinner. I’ll just stay with you and help you with the shopping.”
When we got to the department store we gathered up the large package Helen had ordered for me and headed out into Kings Road and took the bus to Kensington where we changed to another bus which stopped right in front of Helen’s apartment building in Notting Hill. We ran upstairs dropped my overnight bag off and the packages from John Lewis and went to the grocery store. I had almost forgotten the money I had collected from tips and just stuffed in my bag. When I got inside the store I counted out almost £200 in crumpled bills so I used that money to buy three lobsters, salad and three bottles of a nice white wine. I also got a pack of highly absorbent sanitary pads.
I lugged the bag of groceries back to the apartment, put them in the refrigerator and I slipped into the bathroom to put a sanitary napkin on my cum soaked panties. Then mommy and I opened the package from John Lewis that Helen had ordered online for me. There were six cheap packaged black dresses, more like long smocks, wrapped in plastic which were described on the packaging as maid’s uniforms. Each one had been personalized with my name embroidered in white thread on the left side of the uniform above the breast. I took one of them out of the packaging and realized the hemline would end just about mid thigh. They were polyester and stiff. They looked like just the sort of uniform the upper classes made their maids wear. I found the invoice that came with the package and, when I looked at the list of items I saw that the monogrammed maid’s dresses only cost £20 each. There was also a pair of plain two inch black heels in the package, six pairs of black ‘granny’ knickers, a package of black hair ties, two plain black bras, a small brass bell of the sort used to call a servant and six pairs of 60 denier black opaque tights, size small.
When I showed them to mommy she just gave me a sympathetic smile. Then my phone buzzed with a text from Helen. I opened it and scrolled down to read it. It was a simple one line text telling me that there was an envelope with my name on it in the top drawer of the dresser. I went into the bedroom and came back with the envelope and read it with mommy.
Dear Briana
Everyday after you come home from work and freshen up, I want you to put your hair in a ponytail and put your uniform on. You will wear your uniform at all times in the house until you have to go to work.
You are to clean the house and prepare dinner for me, which will be served in the dining room, at 7:00 pm each evening. You will eat separately in the kitchen. I will ring the bell if I need you. I expect there to be a chilled bottle of wine waiting for me when I come home from work and for you to serve me a glass without prompting once I am seated in the living room.
You are not to speak to me unless spoken to and that applies also to any guests I may have over. I am to be woken at exactly 8:00 am with coffee. You will make sure that there is a fresh towel for my shower and I have all the toiletries I need. You will clean my bathroom every day and you will change the sheets on the bed every three days or sooner if I have had sex the previous night. The sheets should be ironed.
All my clothes must be meticulously cared for and my needs should be anticipated. You will live in the maid’s room at the back of the apartment. There is a separate service entrance in the rear of the building which you will use to come and go from the apartment. At no point are you to enter through the main entrance of the apartment block.
If there is an important matter you would like to discuss with me leave a note on my bedside table and I will speak with you at my leisure.
You have every Saturday off but your curfew is 9:00 pm and you can only leave the apartment after I have woken and you have served me coffee. Except for shopping for food and household goods you are not to leave the premises except to go to work. You are to come straight home from work, although you may stop in the shops to buy necessary supplies. You will not answer the phone in my absence nor use it for your own personal purposes, unless it is business related.
I hope you enjoyed your first day of work.
Yours sincerely
Helen
I took my overnight bag, the maid’s uniforms and all the other bits to the back of the apartment and opened the door to a small room which would be where a maid would sleep. A bare light bulb hung from the ceiling and the only furniture was a bare single bed with a side table. I opened the wardrobe and unpacked my bag and took all the other items out of their wrapping and hung them up. I barely noticed that I was crying the entire time I was in the room. It felt like my very soul had been crushed and I almost looked back wistfully at my old life, which only ended a day or so ago. Then all I really had to worry about was an errant wife. Now the future looked like endless days at the brothel interspersed with my time at my new home where I was expected to wait on Helen hand and foot. I did as instructed, though, taking off my shift dress carefully and hanging it up, removing all my lingerie and carefully taking the soaked sanitary pad off my knickers.
I reapplied a new pad to my granny panties before slipping them on, unwrapped a pair of tights and carefully pulled them up, put on a plain black bra and slipped on my maid’s uniform before putting on my new heels. Then I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and slipped on a hair tie to hold it back. I stepped into the small bathroom and looked myself in the cracked mirror. I could hear mommy mindlessly humming a tune in the kitchen the entire time I was changing. I carefully washed the tears from my eyes and walked back through the apartment to Helen’s bedroom, which had an adjoining bathroom twice the size of my maid’s room. I started on the bathtub first, scrubbing it with the cleaning liquids and sponges I found under the bathroom sink. Then I cleaned the sink and got down on my hands and knees and sponged the floor clean. I tackled Helen’s bed next, changing the sheets and pillowcases. When I was satisfied I vacuumed the entire apartment and mopped the kitchen floor.
After the cleaning was done I gathered the dirty sheets and the clothes from the hamper in Helen’s room and went out the service door in the back of the apartment and carried them to the cleaners. I could see the contempt on the face of the girl behind the counter as she looked at my uniform, carefully noting the name which was embroidered on my chest. Then I went to a white goods store and bought sheets, towels, a pillow and a comforter for my single bed.
When I came back to the apartment I went into the living room. My mother waved her empty wine glass to indicate she wanted a refill, not even looking up from the magazine she was perusing. I took it from her hand and walked to the kitchen and filled the glass with white wine. By the time I had put in on the coffee table in front of her the front door opened and I could hear Helen enter. I went to greet her and when we confronted each other in the foyer she looked me up and down and gave me a slight smile.
“I expect a curtsy when you greet me in the future,” said Helen, adding some steel to her voice. “Now get me a glass of wine and then take my bag into the bedroom and unpack and bring some slippers out for me. My shoes are killing me.”
I went into the kitchen again and poured Helen a glass of wine. I could hear her enthusiastically greeting my mother and, shortly thereafter, a brief burst of laughter from both women. I carried the glass back on a tray and served it to Helen. She and mommy were both sitting on the sofa talking together. Then I collected Helen’s bag and took it to the bedroom where I unpacked it, throwing most of the dirty clothes into the hamper. When I had finished I took Helen’s slippers to her, kneeled on the floor and took off her shoes and put them on. She didn’t acknowledge me nor did she thank me. The same was true for mommy. Her gaze was focused on Helen and I could already sense some electricity in the room.
I went to the kitchen, prepared dinner, set the table and informed Helen and mommy that their meal was prepared. While they ate I made sure that their glasses were topped up. After they were finished and retired to the living room I filled an ice bucket, opened a new bottle of white wine and set it before them on the coffee table.
“Finish up the cleaning and make sure the table is wiped clean and waxed,” Helen said to me. “After you are finished then go right to bed.”
I nodded my head and turned to leave the room, realizing that mommy hadn’t really said a word to me after she had read Helen’s note. I also realized that there was more building in her relationship with Helen than just friendship. Before I could close the door and leave the two women in privacy I was interrupted by Helen’s sharp voice.
“I noticed that you looked me in the eyes when I told you to go to your room,” Helen said sharply. “You will keep your eyes lowered when you look at me from now on or you will be severely punished.”
I lowered my head and simply nodded, hiding the tears that were building in my eyes, and left the room, closing the door quietly behind me. I could hear laughter as I made my way to the kitchen to clean up. Once I was done I went to my room and took out my prescription of estrogen pills. The only way I made it through my first day of work was because of the hot rushes that ran through my body every time a new man entered me and the only reason I am still having those flashes three days after my shot is because the nurse had upped the dosage of what she described as ‘girl juice’ considerably. I am supposed to take two tablets of estrogen in the evening to keep the level of hormones in me level during the week but I popped four in my mouth and dry swallowed them in the hope I will have the same intense rushes tomorrow as I had today. The truth is I am addicted to the hot rushes that flush my chest and roil through my body and fill me with feminine and submissive urges. If I am going to live the life Helen has planned for me, I will have to have one secret addiction to help me through.
