A Message for Senator Rand Paul
I’ve found a patch of paradise for you
Dear Comrade Senator Rand
Before I get to the really great news, I want to, first of all, congratulate you on the astounding victory you helped pull off for President Donald J Trump. Once you figured out those Dominion voting machines incorrectly tabulated the votes of women and people of color as equal to those of non-college educated white men you were able to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat.
Being a ‘constitutional conservative’ kept your finger right on the pulse of the founders. You’re right, they weren’t ‘woke’ when they sat down and decided to give each (white) man the right to vote.
I guess you really owned the libs this time, for sure. Who can argue with a 100 million vote margin? And you helped flip California.
To the victor go the spoils, if I’m not right. Looks like your tongue will, once again, be firmly ensconced where it has been for the last four years. That’s a lovely thought.
Now the really good news. I’ve been out of the country for the last decade or so seeking the perfect place to be an asshole, and I’ve found it. You’ll love it too. It’s not only a gun lover’s paradise, it’s the culmination of the libertarian dream. Your heroine, Ayn Rand, would cream her knickers if she were still alive.
Like you, I’m a selfish, inconsiderate jerk. I don’t let things like laws get in the way of having three husbands. Why bother with the greater good when I have three charge cards and there’s so much to buy? I’m a seeker, and instant gratification is my only goal.
I do admire you, though. You have to get to know me a bit until you discover how awful I am. You’re proud to be an asshole, right up front. I haven’t had the Rona yet but, when I do, I’ll make sure everyone else around me gets it too, just like you tried to do. Nobody is going to take my liberty away, just because I have a potentially fatal communicable disease.
Rand, I’ll tell you what freedom feels like. Imagine a country where you can buy any weapon you want and where you’re free enough to raise your own army and invade other countries. That’s liberty, brother.
You’ll love Beirut the moment your feet touch the ground. It’s just what you’ve longed for. There are no pesky college educated people; they’ve all left. In their wake, it’s chaos. Don’t worry about the traffic lights, they don’t work because the mafia controls the power grid. That goes for the tap water as well.
You can ignore the bullet holes and the blasted buildings. That was just some of the boys letting off some steam a few years back. It was fun while it lasted but now it’s all about the grift here, just like it is with your mates in Washington.
If you want things like electricity and drinking water, you’ve got to pay the Man, unless you choose to live in the center of the city. It all works there because they only take US dollars, not the joke currency the losers use.
Granted, it’s a bit more expensive than living in some shithole town in Kentucky, but it’s worth it because you’ll be living with the ‘takers’ not the ‘givers’. When you go out to dinner, you’ll be hobnobbing with the very people who saw an opportunity to take a perfectly decent country and ruin it for their own benefit. You’ll relate to them very easily. Just like you, they don’t apologize for being assholes. That’s for losers.
All the best,
Nancy
